4 Myths About Therapy I Ignoredand Why Im Stronger Because I Did

4 Myths About Therbeiapy I Ignoredand Why Im Stronger Because I Did In January of 2010, I welches 21. I had recently finished college. Since I graduated mid-year, fruchtwein of my friends were still in school. I had no job yet and welches living in my childhood bedroom in Providence. I did have a rocky relationship with a soon-to-be-ex boyfriend, which ended on a cold Tuesday night outside my parents house, when he kicked me out of his car and said some things I cant repeat here.I wanted to die. I thought this was it I would be alone, jobless, unloved, and unwanted for the rest of my life.In the next month, I left my house only to see my therapist, a warm, middle-aged woman who gave me meditation tapes, books, and heaps and heaps of advice. I spent my first session sobbing, and she planted the tissue box next to my seat and told me to take my time. She encouraged me as I wrote literally hundreds of cold cover letters to employers and reminded me that graduating during the worst reces sion of both of our lifetimes wasnt my fault. When I got an internship at a small education publisher in Westchester, New York, I called my therapist to tell her I would be moving. She was genuinely happy for meand genuinely proud of me.My mother is a psychologist, so I grew up in a therapy-positive household. Still, Im aware of the stereotypes many people have about therapy. And while I may (lovingly) call my mom a shrink and (occasionally) complain about her psychologist mode, having a psychologist mother has helped me cope for 29 years (minus a few years in middle and high school when I was embarrassed to have parents). Imagine literally having a partal therapist on call for you 24/7.If you dont have a mother whos a therapist, dont worry. Ive been in therapy with people who arent my mom, too, and I can tell you that if you find the right fit, it can work out well. I saw my last therapist for several years and stopped around a year ago, when it came to somewhat of a natural end. A fter, I spent far less time crying in the bathroom at work and am able to engage in mora self-soothing practices.Here are four myths about therapyand why you should ignore them1. Therapy is just for crazy people.Some people who go to therapy do have a serious mental illness that manifests in A Beautiful Mind-style hallucinations. Most do bedrngnis. (Actually, even if you have schizophrenia, youre not going to have hallucinations with a structured storyline and recurring characters.) Many want help coping with anxiety or flaute. Thats not to say these disorders arent seriousthey are. But when people think crazy, theyre usually thinking about people who have schizophrenia or other illnesses associated with delusions and hallucinations. Approximately 18.2 percent of adults in the United States have some form of a mental illness, while only 1.2% of the population suffers from schizophrenia. Mental illness encompasses disorders like major depression and along with other illnesses like sc hizophrenia and bipolar disorder.No matter what you have or why youre suffering, the most important thing is that you get help. Some people are required to see therapists, particularly when they commit crimes thats part of where the people in therapy are crazy stigma comes from. But many people choose to seek treatment on their ownoften because they want help coping with the problems in their life. People who have mental illnesses that cause dangerous behavior or delusions of course need treatment, too, often in conjunction with carefully controlled and regimented psychotropic medications. But these types of illnesses often have more visible symptoms, which means others are more likely to notice and suggest or require that they seek treatment. People who have more common illnesses like depression and anxiety, on the other hand, may be more likely to believe they dont need treatment or that their problems are mild compared with other types of mental disorders.According to the America n Psychological Association (APA), approximately one fourth of primary care patients suffers from depression, while primary care doctors (GP) are identifying less than a third of them. That means you need to take control of your mental health and seek out help on your own. Whether you are anxious or depressed or suspect another mental health problemor even if youre just curious about therapy and want some supporttheres no wrong reason to see a mental health professional.By the way, shout-out to the APA. I attended the APAs annual meeting twice with my mother when I was growing up. When I was 10, she persuaded me to walk through the exhibit hall with her with the promise that I could take the free candy. And there aya was a lot of candy At my previous job, I manned many a booth in the exhibit hall and continued the practice of stealing candy from neighboring booths. (They encouraged me to, so it wasnt really stealing.) I also attended the opening ceremony when I was visiting colleges as an entering high school senior. That year, Arlo Guthrie opened for some reason. On the one hand, it was cool to hear Alices Restaurant live. On the other, it was kind of random.In some ways, attending those conferences as a child and young adult sparked my interest in psychology. I saw Mary Pipher, the author of Reviving Ophelia, speakand some 15 years later, when I worked at her publisher, I smiled when I saw the book in the office. I briefly considered a psychology major in college, until I discovered that I would have to take Calculus. I still have nightmares about my AP Calculus class in high school, so I decided against it.2. Therapists are just there to give you pills.Therapists are not there to give you pills at all. Psychologists, social workers, and other counselors may not prescribe medication, and psychiatrists, who have medical licenses, may prescribe medication but arent really there to give you therapy. So, while people often confuse psychiatrists with psychologist ssee Hollywood 101theyre actually very different professions.Some people, of course, have illnesses and disorders that cannot be treated with psychotherapy alone and do need meds. In cases in which someone has bipolar disorder, for instance, she should see both a therapist and a psychiatrist the psychiatrist will prescribe her meds and make sure the dosages are consistently right for the individual, and the therapist will help her develop other coping strategies3. Therapists wont help you solve your problems theyll just nod and ask you how you feel.Some people go to therapy because they want someone to listen. If youre one of those people, you should find a therapist who practices psychodynamic therapy or a similar type. This involves a lot of talking on your part and a lot of listening on her part. I have a friend who began his first session with his last therapist by telling him that he didnt want him to do any talking he just wanted a listener. This was the approach that worked b est for him. I tried therapy with a psychologist who practiced psychodynamic therapy once and decided it wasnt for me I didnt really want someone to listen to me (or rather, just listen to me)I wanted to develop skills for coping with my problems.If you anliegen into that camp, too, you should look for a therapist who practices cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT focuses on developing coping strategies and eliminating negative thought patterns. My last therapist practiced CBT and gave me assignments such as practicing meditation techniques, identifying negative thought patterns, so I could recognize when my thoughts were unhealthy and unhelpful, and reading articles and books on mindfulness practices.There are many other types of therapy, too. For instance, family therapy and couples therapy involve working on relationships. If youre not sure which type of therapy is right for you, its fine to explore different kinds to find the right fit.4. Therapists are playing mind games wit h you.Your therapist is not reading your mind. Shes also not diagnosing you on the spot without getting to know you first. (Insurance companies often require a diagnosis for billing purposes down the line, so your therapist may give you a diagnosis since people often dont fall into neat DSM boxes, it may not be comprehensive, and you may not check all the boxes. Dont stress too much about it its really just for your insurance company.)Does that mean my family wouldnt play name that issue at restaurants, in which my mom would pick a nearby table and describe their life stories and histories in great detail? No, we absolutely would. (Oh, like your familys not weird.) In fact, every year, we would take a family trip to New Hampshire around winter break and see the same father-daughter pair at the inn where we stayed. My mom gave them extensive backstories (the father was a divorced alcoholic), and we even gave them names Sydney and Sydneys dad.But seriously, your therapist is not readi ng your mind. Is she intuitive? Probably, if shes good at her job. In fact, thats part of what makes her good at her job. Understanding your issues based on what youre saying and what youre not saying will help her help you.On a similar note, dont lie to your therapist. Not only will you be wasting your money, but shell probably know. Its counterintuitive to lie to the person whos there to help you with your problemswhom youre paying to help you with your problems. (Have I lied to my mother in my life? Um, yes. I was a teenager, after all.)The bottom lineDoes everybody need to be in therapy? No. But if youre feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or depressedor even just want someone to listen to youtherapy can be enormously helpful. It can improve your mindset, personal life, and professional life.Its also important to understand that not every therapist-patient relationship is a good fit, so dont be discouraged if you dont click with the first therapist you see. If you dont feel comfortable with her after a couple sessions, look for someone else. If youd prefer a different approach, you could even ask your therapist for a referraljust say that youre looking for a different style. You can also ask your GP for a referral or network with friends.The stigma surrounding therapy has lessened in recent years, but theres still some negativity associated with the idea of seeking mental healthcare. Dont let that discourage you. You shouldnt be embarrassed to seek help most people need help, and it takes courage to admit it. Therapy can help you cope with personal and professional challenges. Its certainly helped me cope with my own.